Whispers of “I can”

Now.

The world inside of me now reflects.

Great changes.

I am peace and chaos. Life speeds up as it slows down.

Every “yes” an adventure.

Every “no” a shift.

Firmly spent. I cash it in at sunrise each day.

I float where once I might have stumbled.

Light rushes in at all moments. A smile not a hard thing.

Freedom and dance.

Songs living in my chest.

Things are happening, now. Great things.

Sprouted from a seed of gratitude.

Soiled in whispers of “I can”.

Watered with new beginnings. Sun shining upon its place.

Karmic debt has been paid.

Now. Lives in each breath.

Now.

Freshly dressed in hope and confidence.

Resolve to better. I let the wind take some things.

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The Lies of the Ego

Our ego survives by separating our self from the rest of society. It can do that one of two ways, either by putting our self above another person or below. Either the problem is an inflated self-esteem or a low self-esteem. An inflated self can look like you are always right in every argument or too self absorbed to find empathy/compassion for another person’s feelings. I feel the inflated self-esteem that is ego tends to be less talked about or recognized for the wall built between you and the universe. It is literally a road block that stops you from connecting with your higher self because in order to live a self-actualized life, you must connect with your surroundings. You alone are just a small piece of the energy that governs this world and until you recognize who you are in relation to that, you will just be a reflection of what you allow to determine your self-worth. An inflated ego/self-esteem becomes an Achilles heel because you are easily offended when your exaggerated image of yourself is threatened by different view points. An inflated ego needs constant reassurance to stay intact. As the ego does its best to survive, it will push you to feel offended by the slightest disappointments making it impossible for you to connect with anything but yourself.

Low self-esteem is just as effective at keeping you from self-actualization. It is easy to see how feeling like a piece of shit can keep one from reaching their true potential. It’s the fear of failing that keeps the person with low self-esteem from trying anything outside of their comfort zone. True growth cannot happen within the comfort zone and therefore it is a self fulfilling prophecy of failure.

For me, low self-esteem tends to be what keeps me from reaching or maintaining a constant presence in my center. There have been long periods in my life where I had found my center. Living life in a calm state which allowed me to feel connected with people and my surroundings on a whole other level. In the past couple of months, I’ve lost that center thanks to a lack of focus on my part. Thoughts were something that came less frequently when I was centered in the moment and now I find that my thoughts are quick to be negative and flow more freely than before. I’ve found it more difficult to smile and laugh at life’s circumstances. I went from improving my life in a quick and consistent manner to feeling like a failure. This is the ego trying to make a comeback. What does my ego sound like? It sounds like the enemy. It sounds like everything I need to hear to keep me from feeling whole. In the spirit of being honest about my struggle with discarding the ego’s hold on my life, I’ve decided to share what my thoughts sound like. By doing so, I hope to begin again the process of recognizing these thoughts. Through recognition alone, you are able to de-weaponize the ego. Truth can be recognized as truth just as a lie can be recognized as a lie so long as you take a slow breath and allow your divine self to take it in. Here’s a hint, your ego is the lie.

What the Enemy Thoughts Sound Like in my Head:

• I am ugly
• My belly is gross
• My body is out of shape and not pleasing to look at
• My laugh is obnoxious
• My face is fat
• My hair is too short
• I can’t sell well at my job and am therefore a failure
• I will never be accepted by females
• I will never have friends
• Men are only interested in me when they are looking for a hookup
• A good man wouldn’t go out of his way to be with me
• I know he isn’t into me because he doesn’t take me out, doesn’t call me to ask about my day, doesn’t text me back right away
• I will never have a date for valentines
• I’m dreading being alone and without gifts on my birthday, again
• My butt is too small
• I can’t have a nice car/My car is a piece of shit
• My mess in my car is never ending/I can’t maintain it because my vehicle is too big
• I will be a single mom forever
• I can’t support my son’s emotional needs without the help of a man
• I will never stop being poor
• I will always live paycheck to paycheck
• I will never be able to budget to save money
• I don’t think I can manage going on vacation with my son all by myself
• Traveling to a place I’ve never been is scary
• I am a failure for not finishing my college degree, exemplifying that I never finish anything
• My wardrobe is ugly, I wished I had a better body to own nicer clothes
• My shoes are not name brand and therefore leave me looking poor
• I am awkward
• I say the wrong thing a lot
• I’m not girly, and that makes me feel insecure
• I’m a disappointment
• I have low standards
• Nobody believes in me
• I don’t believe in myself
• I have no real goals
• I am unable to define my dreams

A Flower of Truth

I keep the sunshine in my pocket

Cloudy days not a shadow on my conscious

I wake up each morning 

And never watch the weather

Because the weather never matters

I will be happy to live the day through

And nothing will keep me 

from a grateful attitude

Not snowy days nor rain showers

I’m like a flower that continues to bloom

Cut me to the root and I will sprout anew

Petals of the earth,

beautifully bright and dark hues

Finding depth in my truth

I’m courageous enough to grow 

My mistakes helping me break the mold

Not another like me

No woman to compare me to

I’m as special as the moon

My smile a trail of light in the dark

Finding ways through with a laugh 

That sparks a fire on a match

Never completely lost

No matter the direction

Or distance

I can get distracted

but not knocked off balance

I’m like a willow tree

Flowing like water in the wind

Flexibility my mentality

Keeping up with my integrity,

I am never ashamed of who I am

And never afraid to shed my skin

Like a serpent that grows bigger

Pacing myself if only at a slither

Because sometimes walking comes later

Always moving in a direction

That suits my vulnerability 

Growing pains a constant pleasure

Because no matter the weather

I bloom.