You’ve held me before
and I remember wishing for forever.
Hope filled my heart
though I had thought my heart was full of emptiness,
a well that could not take a drop more.
Your imperfections died in the easiness of your smile,
in the twinkle that lived in your eyes
when your gaze found me.
“I love you”, I declared, full of energy –
-so happy that the world must know!
Your careful affection, when you spoke of responsibilities and promises made to others,
did not make me pause
and hindes sight waited in later.
I told myself that I loved you,
even as you slowly pulled away
leaving no room for me in your life.
“I love you”, even as the words
began to feel like acid on my tongue,
tasting like the pain of rejection..
“I want you, the way you smell,
the devouring nature of your kiss”,
even as you took my breath from me,
leaving me falling into the abyss –
back to the place that I had existed before you had called love to my heart.
“I love you”, I cried,
even when those words no longer fell from your lips.
You told me that we are soul mates
destined to be apart.
I desperately disagreed, begging you to find the courage to follow your heart.
“You’re killing me”, I choked out.
Pulling back as suddenly as you had swept in.
I handed you my heart and patiently waited as you examined it
I felt you squeeze your fist tightly
Watching my heart break like glass,
falling to the ground in shards.
“You’ve killed me!”
I exclaimed as I gathered the pieces
My hands bloody and outstretched,
Like giving fire back that which it has already burned.
Begging you to hold my heart in its demise.
You turned away from me.
drinking the weakness in,
trying to remember where I placed my strength.
Even with time, I haven’t forgotten you.
My soul reaches for you now and then.
Sometimes I find myself unconsciously consumed with love for you,
With daydreams of our future together.
I wonder if you think of me.
I tell the wind that I still love you.
I remember that I shouldn’t linger in the past.
That feelings spent can’t be cashed in.
That words spoken can’t be recalled.
I remember that you saw me for all that I am
and discarded me.
Love was not our story.
You were never mine to hold.
I look forward to life,
With an open heart and wanderlust eyes,
knowing my worth is greater than what you valued it for.
I am courageous and genuine
Authentically living and loving
Pausing for self reflection only,
Never allowing the world to dim the fire that carries my soul
I am free in a world of slaves
And my memory of us has been discarded
Like chains that once held me captive in insecurities.