Burden

There’s this space in my chest

that fills me. 

Existing heavily and thoroughly.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep 

making me crazy. 

My body existing around the abyss,

paradoxically consumed by its essence.

Inside of me but not of me. 

Of me, but my dreams are not part of the recipe.

My dreams absorbed or worn like skin, but just the beginnings survive. 

The ends may yet live in the blackness or just beyond it.

Inside of my hollow chest is weighted nothingness. 

Or inside of the hollow nothingness, I exist? 

How can one know if in the abyss? 

I’ve never known how to point to something

that was formless. 

I cannot wait to breath, yet all I do is wait for the next inhale. 

I want silence, but everything screams it’s presence. 

I want love but would settle for contempt.

I want peace but would settle for adrenaline. 

I want meaning but would settle for the end of it. 

Spitting bars about the end of it.

Whispering I just want a friend in it.

The Lone Wolf

I can feel the swell of heartbreak, in my chest…

in my smile.

I look for love

Always trying to drink from a dry well

Hurting myself, forgetting to breathe

Suffocated by the misery of unkept promises,

Unfilled expectations…

Wondering how I will survive another day shadowed in sadness…

Another day of being alone

Wanted by men who are really just boys, 

Pursued half heartedly by whores,

Not one of them strong enough to hold me…to hug me.

I look down, escaping the eyes of those around me.

Knowing that they see me for nothing…nothing of my truth.

I’m battleworn not broken.

I need support not saving.

I need eyes and tongue,

a hand on my leg when he’s driving.

Possession though I won’t be owned,

I swallow the tears back…

the lovesickness dispelling gloom from my essence,

The longing morphing time into an eternity of sorrow.

I am unloved. Forgotten and gone already.

Dying more each day in my self sacrifice.

Wishing for everything

and getting only that which I have bled for.

Bleeding on this paper,

I die again and am reborn into the lone wolf,

alone and hungry.