Pathetic On Paper

Hope lives where courage is found wanting.

For me it dwells in the moments 

I leave empty 

instead of filling the quiet

with thoughts I should speak on.

I allow for hope as long as I don’t ask

you for your honesty.

Knowing your answer will be 

the wet fingers that staunch the flame on our match.

Raging against the hurt in privacy

I settle for inbetween

in place of the commitment that I need.

I settle for “not tonight” 

in place of dates and consistency.

I settle for “wyd” at late hours

in place of the word “us” being said with a tone of normalcy.

The thought of being alone

less likely to scare me 

than alone forever….

Less likely to hurt me 

than knowing I wasn’t enough. 

Never a cheap date 

but always free for your company or phone call.

Rejection: everything that kills my voice

when courage seems to draw in a breath.

I will choke on my words 

before they leave me 

left wanting of your bed.