I Won’t Pretend for You

I’m not that woman.

I can’t…I won’t,

smile while my heart is breaking. 

I won’t swallow back the scream

that is threatening to explode from my chest cavity

when you break my heart.

I won’t hide my feelings to make you feel comfortable.

I’m that wild kind.

The awkward kind…never too shy to show you my teeth.

The type that won’t let you whisper half hearted goodbyes.

I will bleed in front of you.

I will rage in front of you.

But I will cry alone…never allowing you to take my fire.

I’m not that woman.

I demand answers for unfulfilled promises,

Empty words that inspired me to hope,

For the kiss in the night

And the cold shoulder when the sun is out.

I’m not your damn pillow.

My kiss is just an echo of what’s real

You can’t run to me if you won’t fight for me

Remember that when you’re too much of a coward to follow your heart

Remember that when I look lovely…

When you catch me pacing back and forth 

Like a lioness that hasn’t quite decided whether I should eat you or protect you.

When your lies tangle together…

When loving me feels like a mistake.

I will never be anything other than what I have been all along.

I won’t pretend for you.

I love you. And I won’t pretend.

I’m not that woman.

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