I’ve been drinking
And thinking
Contemplating
Running through my thoughts
Kinda feeling crazy
Wondering about me
And where I ought to be
Thinking about him
And how far away he is emotionally
Another gulp of gin and tonic
Head feeling lighter, though the pain seems chronic
I’m like a child that never learns
Laying in bed thinking about my behaviors
Canceling out all my wins
Focusing on the failures
Feeling like a sudden cessation of power
A disaster less self aware than a narcissistic mother
Plastered in this alcohol
In this game of life that keeps building up a wall
I can’t break it down
Periodically adding bricks as if my job is to lay it down
In front of me
Blocking my path to success in spite of me
Drinking down the liquor as if it carries me
Showing no sign of texting him if he isn’t texting me
Playing the dumb bitch who wants sex with he
Asking him over as if he would follow me
Knowing he ain’t coming because…well look at me
My curves aren’t enough to beckon thee
My words aren’t sweet enough to sugar coat my feelings
I drink it down because he ain’t gonna like the way these verses read
Go ahead and lie as if you think of me…
I’ve been rehearsing
I don’t give a fuck, no apology.
I’m drunk enough to tell you
That I won’t fuck with you
Unless you got me
My man better be in my corner mentally and physically
Worrying about my needs and my wants respectfully
Loving me
Gin and tonic
Now he’s calling, how ironic
Think he misses my mouth on his man hose
My words on his ego
Reacting to his feelings like they are my flow
Because of the way his smile glows
In this game of quid pro quo
Chaos creating love when it shouldn’t be
I should have stayed in bed wondering…
Now I’m alone in his arms like I couldn’t be
anything but his boo thing
At least that’s what he calls me
Jamie….babe…baby….booty call
And this gin and tonic bringing me back to the wall
Carrying me
Embracing love that will never be
Glass always half empty
Pouring me another
Gin and tonic.
Poetry on Paper 